This is our story about Living with Superman.
Superman is unable to leap tall buildings in a single bound, he does not fly faster than an airplane and he is not faster than a speeding bullet. He is SO much more impressive than that.
Superman was born at 27 weeks due to high blood pressure causing a placental abruption and preterm labor. He was only 1lb 10oz when born. I can think of a million things I could have done differently. I can think of a million moments that might have changed the outcome. But I will never know for sure. What I do know is that since the moment that little tiny boy, who could only be measured in grams, came into this world; he hasn’t stopped fighting. And, that to me is way more impressive than the comic book hero. I live with a true life hero and my heart beats with joy.
Superman had lost his oxygen supply during the birth and was born not breathing (hypoxic ischemia encepholopathy – or HIE) and in the first 24 hours on the ventilator that was sustaining his life and allowing him to fight, he began to bleed in his brain from the lack of oxygen and then the reintroduction of oxygen. Very similar to a stroke but on a much larger scale. They call this a Intraventricular Hemmorage (IVH). This left him with a condition called Diabetes Insipidus (DI) from a portion that was damaged and now he takes medication daily for it and will continue to do so for the rest of his life. While considered a “rare disease” by the NIH – I have met many people online that have this condition from birth or by accident or because of a brain tumor. And while it is not the easiest of conditions to live with because it is VERY finicky, it is manageable. Just requires A LOT of blood work. Some days I think people that do blood for diabetes mellitus (the sugar kind) have it easy! Blood draws for us are vials not pricks.
Any brain bleed has the chance to cause delays in development and other areas, however Superman now has hypotonic Cerebral Palsy. They told us he would probably not open his eyes, move, sit, eat or anything.
In addition to all the rest, after a period of seizures in the NICU that resolved themselves, Superman now deals with a type of epilepsy called Infantile Spasms. This is a very devastating type of seizure as it basically shuts down the brain and affects development. Most children that have IS will experience an instant delay in development as well as often regress in the development they already had.
In April 2012, Superman had to have laser surgery done on both eyes for a condition called Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP). Left untreated, in many cases it will progress and cause permanent blindness. Due to the mass amounts of oxygen used, it causes the blood vessels in the eye to basically sprout off and create new ones, overloading the retina with blood vessels that have no purpose. Although his eyes were fixed (and are still perfect over a year later) he now has what is called Cortical Vision Impairment or CVI where the brain doesn’t always register what it is seeing. Because of this condition he has been diagnosed as legally blind.
Superman came home from the NICU after 117 days – gtube dependent. Today, 14 months old, he is completely orally fed and we are on our way to mobility.
As of August 6, 2013 Superman is now again with a g-tube. He is showing signs of eating orally still as long as he is alert but is now somewhat dependent upon it to make sure he gets the proper amount of fluids.
It’s a slow process but as a family we make it together.
Superman has a sister; we call her Diva because, well… she’s a little diva with an addiction to shoes and headbands. She is his #1 supporter. For a girl who didn’t want a brother he is her world. She doesn’t know that Superman is different than other babies; she just knows he is Superman. And that’s how we like it.
Living with Superman is a challenge, it has its ups and downs – but living with Superman has brought us all more love, compassion, knowledge, and gratitude than I thought I could see in a lifetime. I look forward to learning and growing with my little boy on this crazy journey we call life.
[The following is an excerpt from her most recent blog post titled: Blatant Honestly]
But I have not been completely honest with you all.
I can explain the medical diagnoses with precision expected in medical facilities, I can update with day to day happenings with a parent’s expertise but I have never explained the situation with the realities and the gravity of the situation being the focus. Often times I shrug it off, ignore it. Not because I am not aware of it, or I live in some fantasy land where I believe everything is going to be okay. But because I don’t tend to focus on the ‘what if’s’ and the ‘what might be’ and sometimes ‘the what really is’. I know he is non-mobile and non-verbal. Of course, its right in front of me. But most days I don’t see it until I am confronted with the reality of it.
And when I post online, I don’t focus on the negatives. Maybe its because I don’t want to appear weak or overwhelmed. People actually comment on how positive I am since his birth and how they could never do it. As far as the ‘doing it’ part – if you have to you will – the positive part is a choice.
But there is a huge reality that sits in the back of my mind that I haven’t shared with many – if any. Because if I speak it then it’s real. And no parent ever wants their fears to be real. I have two fears in my life that would leave me devastatingly crippled: fear of being homeless, and fear of losing my children. I literally lose sleep at night in fear that my daughter could be kidnapped. Think its crazy? Turn on the news. Check your Facebook page. Missing pictures pop up almost daily. Scares the ever living something outta me.
But the other part of that is losing my son. Now this one is somewhat more rational but yet less rational than the first. Because we were always told he wouldn’t live. He wasn’t supposed to make it through the first week. He wasn’t supposed to make it out of the NICU. Granted he is still here 19 months later. And for that I am grateful beyond words.
But the reality of that situation, the part that sits in my heart, the one that leaves me crying in the bathroom after everyone is asleep (yes, that’s where my tears live – not on Facebook) the ones that have me crying in my car after another long doctor’s appointment – is that at any moment my son could be gone. Of course that is true for all of us, but statistically its less likely to happen to you or me. Superman is missing 45% of his brain. A large portion that reminds his body to work. My biggest fear is I am going to turn around to kiss him or pick him up and he will just be gone. With no warning, nothing. Just gone. And sadly, its not crazy – and its not out of the realm of possibilities. I don’t post these things publicly because I don’t want to post sob stories. We don’t really have any. This is just the reality for us. Its a daily awareness, something we live with every moment of everyday. There is no dramatic illness, no traumatic incident. Just reality. He could be here one minute and gone the next.
I am sharing all of this because I want to be blatantly honest with you all of what really goes on here with us.
What would you do if you lost your child and you knew you hadn’t done everything you could to try to prevent it?
That is also a fear that cripples me, but it goes along with the other part. Like everyone else we have lived in this rough economy for the last 4 years, searching for a light in the dark. When my son was born, laying there in that isolette only days old – knowing he had a brain bleed, the only words that kept running though my head were ‘stem cells’. And I was angry. Angry at politics, lobbyist, religion, anyone and everyone that had some weigh in on why or why we shouldn’t pursue stem cells. My irrational mind screamed that there was something out there that could have helped my son. My proposal for that issue in a different post. I don’t want to stray too much tonight. Then months later, I met a group of parents with children like mine that were pursuing the same alternatives I had searched for his whole life. And I found it. I believe it was divine intervention. Right place, right time. And since then the right pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place. This treatment can not only help his brain to function but repair damaged parts. While I am not naive, I know it won’t grow back what is gone, but it can help what’s there to start working like the parts that are missing. Its the best chance we have to help him survive. I wish I were just talking about having the chance to walk or talk or play with toys. But I am literally talking aboutsurviving. If those parts could be repaired that make his heart beat erratically, those parts that don’t remember to tell him to breathe because they are focused on fighting his chronic congestion or a minor cold… what if.
I won’t lie, I make my way around the special needs pages on Facebook. Like many other parents, searching for kids like theirs, parents in similar situations. And through these pages I have found many fundraisers. Some are for trips to Disney, some are for Christmas gifts, some are even for Xbox 360s. And they have people falling hand over feet to help them get these wishes for their children.
I am asking you to pray – pray for it to be laid on someone’s heart to help us. Stem cells have been shown to help improve the visual cortex and improve vision. A trip to Disney would do us no good because he can’t see enough to even enjoy Mickey’s ears. Honestly, I would never ask for Christmas gifts, but what is a gift going to make a difference of if he’s not here. And he’s non mobile so he can’t even help Dad play the Xbox – but the controller vibrations seem to get a small response.
Please. Share our story. If you can help and you feel its been laid upon your heart to do so we appreciate your generosity. If you can’t, please share our story with others, we never know who God is speaking to. I have tried my best to raise the money needed by selling things, I am trying to pull things together to make things, but I have come to the conclusion that I just cannot do it all on my own.
I am asking that you pray for my son to get a life saving treatment. I don’t want to just IMPROVE his life, I want toSUSTAIN his life. Give him EVERY chance he can have.
I posted the other day that he grabbed my finger and stuck it in his mouth. I cried – because I could see the possibilities. I said to my husband – just think of how much the stem cells can do with this. And most days I feel as if its slipping away. Since we have stopped the seizures, some minor development is taking place, and I know at this point, time is of the essence. They tell you that the first years of childhood is when the brain develops the most – its even more so for those with brain damage. This is when any rewiring that is going to happen will take place.
So please share, please pray. I am not asking that anyone give until it hurts – that is reserved for God, but if you are called upon to share our story or help us – I am not asking anyone to make our day a little easier with gifts – I am asking you to help change our lives. Change Superman’s life.
Here are the current ways to donate:
Local and National branches of Wells Fargo Bank – Account name: Living With Superman
She has a wonderful blog at www.livingwithsuperman.com
When people ask me about heaven and hell I say its a place called NICU. I wish you all the best in life but sometimes money is not the answer, its faith.