An Inflection and a Touch of Back-to-School Stress

Not to diminish the anxiety involved in two kids starting pre-school and one starting first grade, but seriously, it just isn’t that big of a deal for me. Our [neuro-typical] kids are looking forward to going, and this exhausted daddy is too! But, there is some stress related to managing the back-to-school routine. All the stuff to buy. The return of the pain-in-the ass lunch food rules and schedules (is there a hashtag for that?). Lists of rules, that boil down to a rule for every exception (and every exception to the exception) known to mankind regarding public education, when the reverse policy works just fine. Who has to be where and when? I could go on-and-on… but, I really don’t care all that much after all we have been through –  I am not stressing (though I may complain from time to time).

Then there is Savanna,  (who doesn’t like peanut butter anyway…)

Savanna (1 of 2)

The date is set. The moment has arrived. Not exactly the same acute drama as brain surgery, but definitely high-running emotions about what may result from ABA therapy. Savanna starts September 1. This therapy is widely considered the best intervention for ASD related behaviors.

It is not scientifically proven to ‘work’ (meaning cure) but evidence shows children who go through this type of intervention have the best outcomes.

This means everything is changing. Schedules, therapists, daily routines. Much like for any family with school-age children.

Savanna will also receive OT and ST at their facility, which means discontinuing her current regimen.  It means adjustment to entire new set of therapists.

Early Childhood Intervention (ECI) will end on her birthday in September, but her attendance schedule at ABA, effectively ends it day 1 of ABA.

Also discontinuing is vision (VI) and orientation & movement (O&M) through the public school system since Savanna will not enroll in PPCD (Preschool Programs for Children with Disabilities).

I hear quietly from people in the know, this label (qualifying for PPCD) is like jumping into a pit of quicksand. It is so easy, and honestly, the only option for most. Just do the eval, and then boom! You are enrolled! Except, what is not explained is the process to ‘get out’, or remove the labels segregating her from the mainstream crowd. I see mainstream education as an option for Savanna. I want her to have the opportunity to attend Kinder at her normal time if during the next three years she proves she is ready. If not, then we go another route. Is it just a dream at this moment? Maybe so. But, I am not yet ready to relinquish my dreams for that the epilepsy has most likely stolen. Perhaps over time, my dreams will evolve.

I have been closely involved with her care for more than two years now as a stay at home dad. I have interacted in detail with all the specialists and therapists. I know the insurance nuances well. I am the judge, jury, and executioner when it comes to dealing with her behavior and actions. I am also her safe place most of the time. I am keenly aware of when it is time to just hold her and when it is time to push her away and press the issue. Her current team is in tune with her as well in a similar manner. The new therapists and caregivers are not aware of her subtle signs, and so a new chapter begins.

Suddenly, for about 35 hours a week, I will not care for her directly. Everything is changing.

She is still on the waiting list for the facility closes to us, and close the pre-school (yeah that was planned…) I don’t anticipate enrollment until 2015.  Houston traffic sucks BIG time. It is a 2-3 hour driving experience everyday. I should not complain about this, but I am, sorry.

While we enter this season of everything changing, we have also noted changes in everything regarding Savanna’s abilities.

As we have weaned down her [single] medication to half the dose she was taking, we have seen a marked increase in memory, visual acuity, and coordination. Is it medication related? Who knows. It could be her natural developmental progression. I find little scholarly information available about effects in 2-year children on this medication.  To me, she seems dramatically quicker to react and respond to me, her siblings, her therapists, and the entire world around her. It has been quite an awakening.

 

Savanna (2 of 2)

 

She is using utensils now to eat regularly. She has really taken pride in being able to either stick something with a fork, or place food on a fork/spoon and then eat it. Sometimes she uses the back of her hand to model the utensil. I have caught a few of these moments in stills and very short video clip.  Note the response at the end of the video – very appropriate.

Savanna blog (4 of 4) Savanna blog (3 of 4) Savanna blog (1 of 4)

 

 

 

Recently, I video taped another OT session with Nikki. Here is a great clip of her with a shape sorter.  She finally did it! During the activity she was very engaged. She manipulated the sorter to find the right hole for the shape. We have worked on this activity for nearly a year. I am so happy to see what she accomplished, but at the same time, typical kids learn this in a far shorter amount of time. What should I extrapolate from this reality with regard to her development pace or ultimate outcome? I know some of you are thinking, (Just be happy with who she is today!) Everyone wants the best, the most, for their kids. Savanna is no different from that regard. I dream big for Savanna. But this accomplishment, while a great achievement on its own, is easily interpreted with an ominous uncertainty on my part.

 

 

Another example. Coloring. We have worked with Savanna on coloring (scribbling of any type, on anything, with any type of marking device), and only in the last few months has she started to “get it”. She sees her siblings coloring, and wants to participate, but just cannot for reasons related to cognition, visual motor integration, and coordination.

I have never worked with Austin (her twin) on coloring. Again, he sees his siblings coloring, and wants to try. At 2 years old (albeit almost 3), he decided he wanted to color something recently. I instructed him this way (more or less) “The crayons and markers are on the table. Get a coloring book, tear out a page and go to town.” Yes, his 4-year-old brother was there too, but he was engrossed in his own masterpiece. I did not help him at all during this time as I regularly have enough to manage. If he is being quiet and in sight at the table coloring, what can go wrong? (Yeah… that is another blog post altogether!) Savanna colored something in a highly supervised and prompted environment with a therapist. Here is a picture of the two results.

 

savanna blog coloring pic (1 of 1)

 

Some would say it is not fair to compare her to a normal kid. Really? This is what happens everyday. Not just by me, but by most who interact with her. What is up, and what is down? Does she need this or that, or not need this or that anymore? I am not trying to over-analyze the situation – don’t take me the wrong way. Simply dismissing my observations and analysis does not equate to an irrelevant or non-existent situation.

Make no mistake: Savanna is excelling. She surpassed my expectations and those of many professionals who met her before she was a year old. It is time for me to change my goals, not just for Savanna, but for me as well.

I look at this final picture and I see a metaphor flash before me of our last [almost] three years with Savanna. As I watch her climb to the top of the slide, I see our life challenged with fear, heartbreak, mourning, anger, rebirth, remaking, extraordinarily complex parenting work, and now, maybe we reached a point of inflection in our lives; she in hers. To ABA we go!

-dad

Savanna blog (2 of 4)

Dare to Dream

1 year, 4 months and 7 days since the completion of Savanna’s TPO resection for seizure control.

Savanna recently had an MRI to examine the surgical site in her brain and a 23 hour VEEG to observe and characterize events and behaviors for a 12-month post-surgical follow-up meeting with her neurologist.

Happy! Happy Happy!!

Happy! Happy!! Happy!!!

The MRI impression is that the surgical site appears unchanged from the imaging results at 6 months post-op. No signs of problems related to the surgery or anything additional elsewhere in her brain. The EEG revealed that concerning behaviors were not related to epileptic activity.

Just playing around during my EEG.

Just playing around during my EEG.

Yeah, I have done this before. The suitcase was filled with favorite toys and foods.

Yeah, I have done this before…

MRI day. Not happy camper.

MRI day. Not a happy camper.

This means she is what we call seizure free (SF in the internet world).  In the medical community, Savanna’s outcome is still Class 1a on the Engel scale. This is as good as it gets in terms of seizure control.  Awesome!

The Shape Sorter. Again. Again. And, again.

The Shape Sorter. Again. Again. And, again.

The Shape Sorter. A must for a toddler during a 23 hour EEG.

The Shape Sorter. A must for a toddler during a 23 hour EEG.

Well, what does this mean in her everyday life?

It means the power of prayer is real. I believe God works through us all. While He allowed Savanna’s suffering, He answered collective prayer through actions of her doctors inspired to empower their God-given intelligence and ability.

It means we are witnessing development which we might not have otherwise.

I moved the stool myself, and turned on the light!

I moved the stool myself, and turned on the light!

It means we are witnessing His divine power as Savanna climbs out of the valley of global sensory reintegration created from forced normalization of her brain activity and subsequent reorganization of the neural network. Savanna thankfully exhibits a persistence and perseverance that you cannot teach. At times, she wants to learn; she wants to show us things; she wants to exist in our world. This is when the camera comes out, because we knew it was in there and we are so happy to see it come out. And then at other times, it is just difficult. She disconnects, and seems to wonder aimlessly through her own world on a path I just cannot see or understand.

For the first time…

For the first time, she is eating and drinking on her own in a manner that is adequate to allow her to thrive.  Six weeks ago we removed the feeding tube. Savanna is now 100% orally fed. She is able to try food in larger quantities and react to the textures, smells, and tastes. For the first time, I have been able to really hone in on how her diet affects her mood and behavior.

For the first time, we are observing fine and gross motor skills that are close to the low-end of normal. If you were to see her on a playground, you would not immediately see a difference between her and other children her age. But, it is there, lurking just beneath the surface of awareness for not only the casual observer, but also for her. It is significant, and it is serious. Sometimes these complex deficits rear their ugly head with an unusually awkward fall, or sudden, invisible playtime-ending problem. In general, I am highly in-tune with Savanna and plan accordingly. But recently, for the first time, she is often perceived equal in ability to her twin brother.

For the first time, we are witnessing dramatic acceleration in her receptive communication. (This is where she understands simple instructions or auditory communication.) Her cognition is improving daily, which allows learning new sign language at a quicker pace. At this point, the communication is her biggest barrier to a happy life (for us too!).

For the first time, we are seeing times of appropriate social interaction with her siblings. She exhibits persistence worthy of saying she is ambitious in catching up developmentally. She has moments of appropriate empathetic reactions to others. At times she is even deliberately mischievous, just like a normal 2 year-old! I see her interacting with her twin brother like I have not in the past. They sneak out together after breakfast to get on the trampoline, or play crazy games of laughing out loud and running from wall to wall in the house. It is so awesome to see knowing what I know, and something I was beginning not to expect at all.

A short video clip of Austin and Savanna on the trampoline… Austin can open the door, so they conspired, snuck out unseen. Savanna’s compulsion with closing doors meant, I didn’t immediately notice they had left! Then, I saw them. I saw playing. I heard laughter. I felt the need to start the camera.

 

We recently went on our summer pilgrimage to the homeland (KY and VA). This has normally been quite a trip for us, slathered with worry (from me anyway) and hampered with impediments related to Savanna’s condition.

For the first time, I did not pack a suitcase full of DME (durable medical equipment),  or supplies related to tube feeding. I did not pack a duffel bag full of medication, most for “What if?” scenarios.

Extra Goldfish, Pringles, and apple juice replaced cases of enteral formula (not exactly a nutritional even trade, but I will take it!) I did not pack back-up stuff for back-up stuff.  I took 2 oral syringes, a bottle of prescribed medication, and some rescue medication for good measure. For the first time, I did not install the roof box to carry all the extra stuff. It actually seemed kind of easy and normal travelling on an insanely long 3400 mile road trip.

Savanna had many great periods and days on the above mentioned “vacation”. She did have a few bad days too. While most want to see her as ‘normal’, this is something I just would never mention about our other kids knowing what I know now. No, she didn’t seize, but once we lose the happy place, it sometimes is difficult to get it back in the same day. On those days, all the best laid plans start to boil down to “Who is going to hold Savanna?” I know it sounds simple, callus even to the reader/parent who might think it is not a big deal – holding a child. And to those readers, you are right – I am whining.  But, I think the analysis and commentary are relative.

Rebecca and I are both still somehow in ok  shape after this journey. We are experiencing the physical woes all too familiar to parents of special needs children. Holding Savanna is not difficult per se`.  Holding Savanna for extended periods standing up, moving around, trying to complete the normal tasks of life, all while cantilevering away to balance her (as she naturally leans away instead of into us) is a different ball game altogether. Our backs are paying the price, and we are more conscious now, giving each other time to workout regularly. We find the workout routine is less about vanity or leisure, but more about necessity to build muscle to heal and mitigate current problems and perhaps delay further injury.

Here is a very short clip of her on the tube on the lake.

 

 

Do we dare let ourselves dream about what might be for Savanna? Before we drift off into never-never land, I would like to share some other “firsts” during this last few months.

For the first time, I can see the emotional derailment and predict the ensuing behavioral train wreck with good precision and fair accuracy. More clear now are the signs of disengagement from her environment. She loses all interest in things right in front of her. She shows no interest in many items that typically soothe her, except a very specific blanket that has a magical calming effect. She will not just want to be held, she will demand to be held. And if you can’t (or won’t), the path to the train wreck begins.

The path has stages and factors that affect how quickly you arrive at your destination, which is the behavioral train wreck or urban term “meltdown”. She will whine first, that kind of “I’m not happy whine…”  The whine becomes a cry. This process can take while, but we are learning it can also happen quite quickly.

The train has derailed at this point. I have learned it possible to avoid the worst outcome if I intervene appropriately.

The cry leads to stumbling or stammering like a drunk all while dragging her blanket. She will either 1) run into to something like a cabinet corner, wall corner, or door jamb on her right side (where the dense hemianopsia affects her) or 2) fall down hard by tripping on the blanket or something in the sea of ‘things’ on our floor that seems omnipresent. This leads to the scream of “Hold me now!“ and that of “Damn that hurt!”

By this point, I have modified my plans for the day somewhat, and am holding her (sitting if possible).

It is difficult to recover from this series of events. I try to push through some days and it ends up generally alright. But, sometimes it doesn’t go so well.  Sometimes this process takes 5 minutes. And, other times 5 hours. It really depends on things I am not knowledgeable about yet – or I would have addressed them intelligently.

At times I witness her eye deviate to the right (opposite what was observed before the resection) and this tempers my elation about her future. Diagnostics (mentioned in the beginning) have indicated nothing abnormal about these behaviors, but it is troubling as a parent given the history.

I joined the support group that our epilepsy program sponsors and attended meetings for the last few months. If you want a dose of reality as a parent in my shoes, this is the prescription. This group has been a great find though, as I learn more each time I attend.

For the first time, Savanna was evaluated independently (without me present) for ABA therapy, ST, and OT through an ABA provider locally here in Houston. ABA is Applied Behavior Analysis, and a method of intervention and therapy for those suffering the symptoms of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). It sounds weird, but I liked it and I disliked it all at the same time. I knew she would struggle with new people and new activities. But, I also knew it would be a very good judge of where she is functioning with respect to interacting with the public.

The Preschool Language Scale (#5) and Functional Communication (Revised)  Profile toolkits measured Savanna’s communication abilites, and resulted in a mixed scores (all pretty low) higher/lower for receptive/expressive communication respectively.  This agreed with the evaluation results done by ECI at 32 months. The Verbal Behavior Milestones Assessment and Placement Program toolkit showed the way for an ABA therapy plan, recommending 35 hours per week of this type of therapy. OT skills measured using the The Peabody Developmental Motor Scales where she qualified for applying the Beery-Buktenica Visual Motor Integration subset revealed a score just a tick below normal in one category but, quite low in another. A calculated quotient score result was “poor”.

I received the reports in the mail and was not surprised at their conclusions, I was disappointed though, I have to admit. I interpret their conclusions with caution though, as none of the therapists were familiar with Savanna. But, this was a first: Savanna on her own for about 3 hours with people she had never met, doing things perhaps she may not have done in “just that way”, and no train wrecks. It was a good experience overall. (Thankfully, they were all familiar with dealing with kids with such challenges.)

Overall, this news about seizure freedom along with critical thought about our faith precipitates a giant sigh of relief. It allows moments where we take a deep breath and absorb the joys of life. Her experiences, our experiences, so early in Savanna’s life make witnessing her achievements that much sweeter.

Finally, we said goodbye to Ruth, our Au Pair from Australia. She was a big help with the kids. Maybe one day we will go down under for vacation and pay her a visit. May God Bless you, Ruth.

Ruth, our Au Pair from down under, has returned to the outback. She was so much fun, and we miss her a lot.

Ruth, our Au Pair from down under, has returned to the outback. She was so much fun, and we miss her a lot.

-dad